


Starbucks, Wizards, and Heavenly Demons

by Perydot



Series: Adventures in Crack [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, M/M, Slash: Romance Without Boundaries, Swearing, Wranglers Are Not Adult Supervision
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 14:33:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6083025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Perydot/pseuds/Perydot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Voldemort and Doflamingo were set up on a blind date by their mutual friend, Darth Vader.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Starbucks, Wizards, and Heavenly Demons

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:** Think of a sassy villain with style and slash your character with Voldemort.

Voldemort sits in Starbucks, stirring his Pumpkin Spice latte with extra pumpkin spice on top, eying the door every time it opens. He hisses like Nagini as his prospective date is 5 minutes late. The man has an entire wizarding world to take over! …And he would would much rather be staring at Lucius' fine, blond hair in the candlelight of his manor. (He has half a mind to just Avada Kedarva the bastard the moment he comes through the door, the Muggles around him be damned _…_ literally.)

Just as he's about to get up and leave the blasted Starbucks, the door bursts wide open! Standing the open space is some 10 foot giant dressed like an incredibly fluffy, pinker-than-pink, but _blond_ -headed flamingo. _That's… him…_ Voldemort thought. Well, at least Vader remembered his preference for blondes.

It seems like the flamingo noticed the snake-like man in black robes as his date immediately as well. He laughs the loudest laugh Voldemort's ever heard (and that's saying something; his second-in-command is Bellatrix Lestrange).

The man ducks his head and saunters into the coffee shop like nobody's business. The flamingo surely had all the confidence in the world to be dressed the way he is - fluffy pink coat, capri pants, and white shirt completely unbuttoned and showing his admittedly well-muscled chest.

" _Fufufufu!_ Glad to see Vader hasn't lost his humor in his old age," the man says as he pulls out the chair next to Voldemort.

"Vader, old? He's barely 46. I'm almost 72."

"Wow, and you're _still_ trying for something?" The man awkwardly sits down, his long, _long_ legs stretching out into the coffee line. People struggle to avoid the appendages. Voldemort hisses and grips his wand from his robe pocket. "Doflamingo," the man says. "Donquixote Doflamingo, Heavenly Demon and the man destined to rule this entire world."

Now, Voldemort has never truly laughed before, but he did then. " _You?_ Rule the world? You obviously never heard of me! The Dark Lord, He-Must-Not-Be-Named, Voldemort."

"If you're not supposed to be named, why did you say your name?"

" _…_ Introductions."

" _Fufufufu…_ okay."

Voldemort did not like someone laughing at his expense and the thought of killing came back again. But before he could take the chance, Doflamingo spoke again. "What makes you think you can take over the world, Mr. Dark Lord?"

"If you don't call me that again, I will tell you."

"I'm all ears, Voldie."

"Again, don't call me that."

"Alright, Morty."

"Stop."


End file.
